My Heart

At this very moment, Asher Book's Try is on replay. It's been on replay since the day I downloaded it. It really describes how I'm feeling right now. I'm really trying for your love, but it looks like you're not even trying. I don't know if you're doing this on purpose so that you won't get attached to me. I'm really trying so that everything works out. But you've not been replying any of my messages that I asked on how you are. You have not been updating me on how your days are going. Damn, I really sound needy. I'm sorry for that. Because I really feel that you're different. These feelings that I have for you are so much more different than I have ever experienced. There was a day where I cried for 2 days straight. Thinking and being worried about you. Do I even matter to you? What does these 3 months mean to you? My heart beats differently when I think of you. I can't go to sleep not knowing how your day was. My sleeping schedule is going haywire. It's pathetic that I stalk your facebook page and your tweets just to know what you're up to. My best friend knows about you, she knows how much you mean to me, how special you are and how much I truly love you. My heart is seriously aching right now. These 3 months have been the best I have ever had. You've mend my punctured heart. You gave me love that I've never felt before. But suddenly everything changed. I don't know if I did something wrong because we're not talking to each other. The longest we've talked was not even half an hour. I'm crying while writing all of this because I thought you would be the last person to hurt me this bad. I really love you. I'm being serious. But if you want me gone. Please let me know. Don't leave me hanging. Please remember your promises to me. Because that's what I'm holding onto till this very moment. I know you're scared that you'll get hurt and hurt people around you. But for how long are you going to hide? I don't mind hiding with you. But you have to come to a decision. I can't wait forever, I can't promise that my heart can withstand through all this. I need you to talk to me. Be honest with me. Be honest with yourself. Do you or do you not love me? Tell me was all this for real or was I just a phase to you? I've never loved someone that I've never met this much. I love you. I really do. Is that not enough for you? What more do I have to do to get your attention? It hurts. It really does. I'm trying so hard to make this work. Tears falling down my cheeks when I think about you. How is it that I can feel this way when you're not even mine? What happened to the person who cared about me? Where did that person go? My heart is aching, please mend it back. Please don't let this wound go deeper. I don't want to lose you. Don't let me go to the point where I won't come back. Just tell me if I don't deserve you. Just be honest with me. That's all I ask from you. I'm not going to force you into a relationship. I just want us to be how we used to. Please.

Missing You

Missing someone hurts, especially when you don't get to see or talk to them.

Right now I'm listening to the song you gave to me. Lego House by Ed Sheeran. The second you gave me that song, I searched and downloaded it. When I got it, I've never stopped listening to it. It was the only song I had on repeat. Because it means so much to me. I do hope that you love me better now.

I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm just in love with you. I don't how and I don't know why. No one has ever made me feel this way before. It's something new for me. Although we don't talk or see each other every second of everyday, I fall in love with you every single day. I wake up to a picture of you on my wallpaper and I know it's going to be a good day for me. Every single time I'm feeling down, I just go through the pictures you sent me and it instantly makes me smile. It's weird how all the little things you do for me at random times are what makes me fall deeper in the love that we have. We don't see each other everyday, but I know that I love you and nothing's going to change that fact. I can never keep you out of my mind. In my dreams, I get to hold you in my arms, feel your touch and see your beautiful face. I do want to feel that in real life, and not only in my dreams. I will make sure that I get to meet you. Not now, but in the future. There's nothing more that I would want rather than to see your smile with my own eyes. You'll always be beautiful in my eyes. Again, I fell in love with your personality, your looks are a bonus to me. After 3 months of getting to know each other, I know how you are, how you can be and I'm okay with that. I accept  you for who you are. Because I would never change the person that I'm in love with. I don't know what I'm rambling about, all I know is I want to talk about you. Let these feelings out and let you see how serious I am with you. I know you're afraid, you're afraid to get hurt again. I promise you, I would never do that. I love you. Still listening to Lego House in this paragraph, it's still on replay. It's always on replay. I don't know, I could never get bored of this song, maybe because it's a song given by you to me. Like my best friend told me, 'Love knows no reason'.

I really do love you Capital A and I really do hope you feel the same way as I do.

Yours truly,

Your one and only

What I Feel In My Heart

It's now exactly 2.05 AM, 12th of October 2013 and I can't exactly get myself to sleep at this moment. Maybe because I slept in the evening or maybe it's just that I can't stop thinking about you. Thinking about us. How we're going to be. I think I've told you that I am truly, deeply and utterly in love with you. Even though it's been only 3 months since we've known each other, I keep falling in love with you everyday since the day we got to know each other. You've been the reason behind my smiles in the morning. The reason for my strength to get through here every single day. 

Well, to make things interesting. I had a dream about you last night. Not the usual dreams I get when I think about you before I sleep, but the type where we're both really intimate. I swore I could feel you in my arms and we were gazing at the stars in the sky, looking at the moonlight shining down on us.Your fingers intertwine with mine. Your head on my chest and we were just silent and not saying a word to each other. Just admiring being surrounded by nature. We just stayed there for hours and then we were staring into each others eyes and I knew at that second that I had to make you mine. 

I don't know how to describe my feelings about you. I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you. You're the last thing on my mind before I go to bed and the first thing I think about every morning. Every morning when I see the picture of you on my wallpaper, I instantly smile and my day would just get better. I miss you every single second that I don't get to talk to you. I keep thinking about you day and night, never once have you left my mind. I just hope that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I hope that you feel it too. All I want you to know is that I fell in love with your personality, your looks is bonus for me. And also, no matter where I am in the world, I would always love you. If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I would want to be by your side. Taking care of you. A future doctor as your partner is one of the best things ever. They will ensure that your health is taken care of. Your medicine are eaten on time and will give all these tips to make you feel better. They will ensure that you get better. I don't actually know what I'm talking about, I'm starting to ramble random things.

iloveyou..imissyou..ineedyou Capital A

Yours truly,

You know who ;)

Confession

Hasn't even been 24 hours since I last spoke to you and I'm already missing you.

Who is this new you I'm speaking of? Well, a few hours back at around 0100 hours, I was bored and couldn't sleep. So I decided to go into a chat room and talk to some people. After talking to various types of people, I got to talk to someone that I wouldn't want to stop talking to. Capital A. I don't know what made me want to keep on talking to A, but it was a feeling I haven't feel for quite some time since Z. We talked till 4 am and A wanted to go to bed. All the time when I talked to A, I was smiling myself away. I don't know why even the simplest answers A gave, I would smile every single time I got a reply from A. am I falling for A? Is this what this feeling is?

9/7/2013